Mother For Life

So I decided today is going to be a lazy day in my household. It hit me when I woke up and the first thing the kids asked me was what were their chores for the morning. We always clean like crazy on Saturdays because I work so much during the week that it doesn’t get done. However, this week the kids were great, and kept the messes to a minimum, and even cleaning up after themselves for the most part.

I looked around the house, and decided the only thing they had to clean was the kitchen table, to make room for the paints and crafts they get to play with. We have boxes upon boxes of cool things for them to get into, and I felt guilty that it’s been so long since I had let them. Just seeing them get excited about cleaning up the table so they had room to paint was worth it. I can deal with a few other messes for that.

It got me to thinking. No, my house is NOT spic and span. It never will be. Not with three kids, a cat, and a bird. The only time the house gets spotless is when company is coming, or every other weekend when I don’t have the kids. A house is meant to be lived in, played in. It’s meant to make  a person feel at home. Not like they are sitting in a museum where you cannot touch anything.

So for all you other working parents who use the weekends for cleaning, I challenge you to let it go today. Get out there if its nice outside, or simply pull out some arts and crafts. Get messy, I dare you!!

Besides, we can always clean up after they go to bed.

The sound of mothers all over the world arguing with their children about eating their food can be heard daily. I know I hear it in my house constantly. I have three very, very picky eaters, which I am in the process of changing that. I have a daughter who doesn’t eat most meats. My middle son cannot stand most vegetables. And my younger son changes his likes and dislikes more than he changes his underwear.

The only way to change this is to experiment. I will stop at the store and buy something out of the blue, simply to see who and if it will be eaten. I notice if I buy baby carrots, all three will eat them, but if I buy canned carrots, it’s simply not happening. Fresh seems to work best in this house for most vegetables, and if I am tricky and toss a wee bit of sugar on them when I do cook them, I find a little of them get eaten.

Fruits are trickier for us here. Bananas are good, apples good for two kids, plums for none. Two will eat strawberries, two for pineapple, and no one for fresh peaches.

I don’t mind looking for new ways to get my children to eat. That’s part of our job as parents, to trick them any way shape or form we can to get the nutrients in. I don’t believe in forcing a child to eat in most circumstances. They know at a certain age when they are hungry, so unless we are sitting down to one of the three main meals, I won’t force that food down their throats. When we go out to a restaurant, maybe one child will say they aren’t very hungry. That’s fine, you can take what you don’t eat home with you and when you get hungry later, you can eat it.

When it comes to finishing your dinner, the rule is, clear the first plate. I try not to put too much on the first one and then they ask for seconds. Fill the first plate up with too large proportions, and not only will they not ask for seconds, the food on the first plate never gets eaten. When they are done, they are done. I will ask once if they are sure and then stop.

I have two big problems with parents at meal times that I see. One is the force feeding. I see it time and time again. A child will say they are full, and the parent argues and threatens. I’ve seen it get too extreme to the point the child gives in, eats until they literally fill up and then proceed to throw up in the restaurants. Nice job mom and dad, you win the award of bad parenting tonight.

The other problem I have is when parents don’t make their children to eat what is served. It’s one thing if you make greek olives stuffed with lamb, not too many children are hot to trot for that. However, if I make you meatloaf, mashed potatos, corn and biscuits, you will eat at least half. I don’t purposely make food I know my children don’t like. If it is a new food, they have to at least taste it twice. If its something I know they enjoy, they have to eat half of the serving.

I suppose the bottom line is that we as parents need to make the most at getting our children the vitamins and nutrients they need. We are the adults, they are not. There has to be a balance between our rules, and their stomachs. It all falls back to listening to your children, they really do have voices. It pays to pay attention. Find the tricky little things to make food not only more fun, but more edible for their little palates.

I normally don’t do rants on here. But I am so tired of seeing parents throwing their child’s’ picture out on the Internet for every pedophile and pervert to see. Every site I belong to, I can see it. They use their children’s pictures as their own display picture. Or they have entire albums devoted to their kids, and leave it open to the public to view.

How can a parent have no regard for the safety of their children. We spout off the rules of Internet use to our children, and then these awful parents turn around and post pictures of their kids. I write about mine, and there is one album of my children on Myspace, which is available for friends only. Of course, my definition of friends and yours is completely different. I mean people I actually know in real life. Otherwise, they are not friends, they are acquaintances. Which in layman’s terms means someone you talk to occasionally, not someone who is involved in your everyday life.

I see pictures of babies in bathtubs, teens in their prom dresses, school uniforms and what not. If I can see them, so can your local pedophile, and he is busy right clicking away, saving those pictures for his own sick use. Sure, that sounds harsh to some, but it is also reality.

It seems extremely hypocritical to tell your child not to give out their information, and yet on your own pages, you list your city, state, and then a picture of your precious child. What is it going to take for some of these parents to wake up? Some sicko snatching their child off the playground? And then the kidnapper is caught, when asked how he picked the child, he will answer he saw a MySpace page with all the information he needed.

Get a clue parents. If you feel the need to brag about your child’s accomplishments, fine, do so. Just do it in a safe manner. Send emails to people you actually know. Write about it. Phone. Please stop posting those pictures, I don’t want to read about your missing child months down the road.

I received some disturbing yet wonderful news yesterday. It was news that brought me to tears, and yet lightened my heart at the same time. But, just to leave you on a cliff hanger, to keep you waiting, bear with me while I fill you in quickly with the back story.

My grandmother who raised me had five children, 17 grandchildren, and 26 great grandchildren when she passed away four years ago. Her middle son had a daughter with a German woman whom he brought back to the states back in 1982. Well, they divorced, and we later heard that the daughter, my cousin had passed away. She was four years old and had been killed by a drunk driver as she rode her bike into the street. Last night, I received an email from another cousin of mine, one who joined the family by marriage. He told me that my uncles daughter called his house and asked for his wife, who just so happens to have the same first name as me.

Well, being the skeptic I am, I had high doubts about this person, until she emailed me, and had pictures of us all as children from those two years she was here!! I burst out in tears as I realized this beautiful young woman was my cousin. At the same time, I felt such deep anger and sadness to realize either my uncles ex wife had lied to him, or in his spiteful way, he lied to the family. It took me a while last night to get over those feelings.

Tonight, I sit here and write her back and forth to Germany, and realize her and I have so many things in common it’s uncanny. We both were raised by our grandmothers, we both had bad relations with our own mothers, (I havent spoken to my own in 8 years), we both have birds, we are both libra’s, and we look alike in many ways.

I was starting to feel sad just the other day when I thought about how much I miss the old days of huge family get togethers. Now, none of us speak, and if we do, its very rare. So, for me to get in touch with someone who used to be my playmate, my friend, my family this close to a holiday meant to celebrate that family, is a very wonderful thing.

So, I hope you enjoyed my little story, and I hope you pull out the dusty old albums to look at your own old pictures. Maybe it will motivate you to contact a family member you lost touch with yourself.

Is it just me, or has the quality of everything we buy gone down over the years, while prices have gone through the roof? It was brought to my attention as I was going through the laundry today, washing and sorting. I thought I might share a few examples, and maybe you have some of your own.

Jeans: Especially those made for boys 12 and under. My two boys seem to blow out the knees within only a few months of owning a pair, no matter what the brand.

Socks: A few years back, it was one thing to have one holey sock, now that’s all they seem to do. I have more extra cleaning rags now then I know what to do with.

Bleach: Goes along with the sock thing. Used to be, one drop of bleach on something, and you were done. I just soaked a load of whites, and the bleach barely touched them. Still dried out my hands of course.

Bras: And since when do under wires pop out at unexpected times on a brand new bra I paid well for?

Sponges: I don’t know about you, but I have to keep spare packages of cleaning sponges under my cupboard now, they fall apart so easy.

Laundry soap: They raised the price of name brands, turned the bottles into “concentrate” and I still have to use just as much as before, for more money. And the cheaper brands I used to buy joined in the price raising, dropping their quality as well.

Furniture: There is no such thing as using real wood anymore, its all “pressed wood”, which of course makes for shabby looks and its not very durable. I long for the olden tables my aunts and grandmothers had, the real wooden shelves..

Shampoo: I don’t know about your family, but with three kids in mine, we go through quite a bit a month, and it takes three times as much just to get the hair clean.

Bread: Unless you are making your own, which I might have to start doing, bread itself tastes stale only a few days after buying it, and of course at a higher price.

Those are just a few examples, but it just goes to prove companies these days are going over to the quantity over quality side of thinking. I for one am getting tired of spending my hard earned money on items that are not living up to the standards they used to. It almost seems worth it to send off emails to everyone of those companies when something doesn’t meet my standards, perhaps if they get enough complaints they might change something. Hopefully they don’t send me internet coupons, most the stores in my area no longer accept any of them.

Let me start this out by informing you of a fact that everyone who knows me, including my children, know math is not my strong point. In fact, other than dealing with hard cold cash, its my weakest point. So when my 6th grade daughter comes to me and says she needs help with her math, I simply cringe and say I’ll try hun.

Today it was simplifying fractions, something I was never particularly good at. Luckily enough, my boyfriend was around, and we got help there. One down, 55 more to go.  Of course, you can’t just simplify it, you have to simplify the simplify. We got to a few tough ones, and of course, there were a few trick ones. Either way, it took an hour to finish just the math homework.   Then we look at the instructions again, ooops, we forgot to show our work, and back to the beginning we go.

Just when I thought we were done, in walks the fourth grade honors student, my middle son. He’s learning about decimal points, and the use of th’s, thousandths, hundreths.  I sat down and helped him, and all I could think of was, we weren’t learning this stuff this early when I was a child. I remember doing fractions, at least the bigger ones, in 7th grade.

Sometimes it seems to me, we are stuffing our children so full of knowledge at such an early age, at such a fast pace, that by the time they are older, and need it, they aren’t going to remember it at all.  How can they? In my daughters class, they start a topic, work on it for a day, next day is review, day after is a quiz. Her math book is as big as mine was in high school! I understand there is an expectation for our children to become smarter than we were at their age, but going at this speed doesn’t help them retain the knowledge, repetition does.

Now my first grade son, I love the way his teacher works. They start a topic, two days later introduce a topic that goes with the first, and then at the end of the week, review them both. This way, he has days of homework on both subjects, and he can start to recognize them without me pulling out the instruction books yet again.

I was playing around on Google again, and I found a site with math games for sale, I will be ordering a few for each child for Christmas. They love to play boardgames, and hopefully this will help us all in our quest for math wisdom. Even myself.  Just for kicks, I’ll share with you the link,who knows, you might find something to help your young one too.

http://www.1888toys.com/

Well, the kids are once again off school tomorrow, most parents nightmare. I understand celebrating Veterans Day, do not misunderstand me. However, if you begin adding it up, they miss so many school days. Two already this month, counting tomorrow, then three for Thanksgiving break. Add in another 2 1/2 weeks for Christmas vacation, and you are almost at a month of missed school in just two months.

They get twelve days off for NEOTA DAY: teacher in service. Plus three days off for conferences. A week for spring break, then another 4 days for Easter, two for Memorial day, and I am sure I’m forgetting one in there.

Now take in the fact that they also end up missing an average of four days a winter due to blizzards, and you get about 41 days of missed school!! Perhaps it’s time to change the scheduling of school days to include summertime, if for no other reason than to make up for time lost. Oh, add in the average five days a year most children miss due to sickness. Make that 46 days total.

I always toss the suggestion around for the year round school, and it’s always shut down. I think the school boards need to take a better look if they expect the raise in grades and test scores they want.

To end this on a funny not…click and watch this hilarious toddler lip syncing to Jukebox Hero, it’s just too adorable.

Jukebox Hero @ Yahoo! Video

So this weekend is once again visitation, or as my kids call it “daddy weekend”. I always end up having mixed feelings on this one. Do I feel guilty for enjoying those two days to myself, or do I send them off, and enjoy the quiet time?

I know for the most part they will be okay, considering my ex’s past, believe me, I do have my worries. Other than the occasional argument, or words spoken before he thinks, they come home just fine.  I make sure the kids talk to me about their weekend, not the third degree, but we talk about what they did. I just wish I didn’t feel that guilt I have about sending them, like what kind of mother are you sending your babies with that man? How can you have one iota of peace?

Then there is the part of me that comes to dream about the quietness for two days, of not hearing “but he touched me, but she breathed my air” type arguments. Granted, I work on these two days, but only for 5 hours on Saturday, and 5 hours on Sunday. Other than that, the house is mine, the snacks are mine, and most importantly, the video games are mine. I can run around naked, (long as I remember to put the curtains down of course). I can take two hour long baths without interruption. I can even watch an R rated movie!!

I simply wonder if it’s just me who has these mixed emotions about visitation weekends, or do others share in my turmoil?  I think it’s time for me to just stop over thinking it too much, and just take it as it comes. I welcome any and all feedback on this one, send me your tips on how to avoid the guilt, or if not avoid, at least lesson it some. I also welcome any comments from other mothers, and fathers, who feel the same way.

I was talking to a co worker yesterday about my daughter and how it seems like children these days have an attitude at such an earlier age. They have no problem talking back, eye rolling, etc. All those things that when we were children were guaranteed to get us a butt whooping. She came up with the theory that girls were much harder to raise when they hit the ages of 11 to 19, while boys tend to hit the hard years at age 16 and up.

It got me to thinking about each of my children and their personalities. My youngest son is still growing into his, but if I had to label him with anything, he would be my daredevil, my fearless one. He jumps in head first, and then asks questions. My older son is my quiet child, my sensitive soul. He is also a mini genius, and lord knows where he got that, because it was not  me. Then there is my oldest. She is my helper, my mini me. She has creative ideas, and loves to make crafts out of almost anything.

They also each have their own faults, and if we are going to be honest about it, we all do. My youngest is the wild child, the one you constantly have to tell to use his indoor voice, and to settle it down some. My older son is a little too quick to have his feelings hurt, and his attention wanders if he is bored. And then there is my daughter. I love her to death, she was my first child, my only daughter, but heaven help me there are some days I wish she was a baby again.

What gets me the most is the “I think the world revolves around me, and I want more more more” attitude. I hear myself telling her “no” so many times a day, and it’s usually repeat questions. When I talk about her to people, I tell them she is 11 going on 18, and that’s exactly how I feel. Some days I feel as if the only conversation we have is me telling her no, and her rolling her eyes, sighing in that exasperating tone, and her stomping to her room. Hopefully this is a stage we get over soon.

I still feel so very lucky to have three children with such different personalities. One who is still a mom cuddler, one who is so good at reading people, and one who is a great helper. It is so much joy to watch them each day come up with something new, or even just sit and watch them interact with each other.

As with anything, parenting has it’s ups and downs, we just have to appreciate them all, and learn from them. It’s what truly makes us a good parent.

Well, here we are at the end of one quarter of the school year. I just got in the kids report cards, and I have to say, I was simply amazed. My youngest son, in first grade received all B’s, my middle son in the honors fourth grade, made honor roll and got straight A’s, and my oldest daughter in the sixth grade brought her bad grades all up and got B’s and one C. I was so proud. And then I read a note stuck in one envelope from the first grade teacher.

She wrote me to tell me she was concerned about the fact that my children looked after themselves until I got home in the evenings. That there were babysitters available in my town, and would I like some numbers. At first I thought, how nice of her. And then the more I sat there I thought, what nerve. First off, those babysitters charge a rate of about $2.00 an hour per child. They are alone 16 hours total a week, sometimes less, never more. That would be $96 a week, until you also count in the fact that two of those days, I work past 5 pm, which most sitters don’t watch past 6 pm at the most.

So, I would have to pay  $384 a month in sitting fees, or do as I chose and have the children come home on their own for those few hours. Now, I have an 11, 10, and 6 year old. Both older children are responsible, and I have no worries really. They have complete access to phone me at any time, and believe me they do. They aren’t allowed outside until I come home, no answering doors or phone, and they cannot use the stove. I have dinner ready for those two nights I work until 8 pm, so that takes care of that. We have been doing this since school started, and other than a few normal arguments, we have no issues.

I think that the teachers concern is nice, but not needed in my case. However, I do understand there are some parents who take it to the extreme, and allow their kids to roam at will, leave them alone late at night for reasons not relating to work, and basically neglect their children. I feel that isn’t myself, nor my kids. We talk about the fact that they come home alone, and whether they are scared, or don’t like it. So far, no complaints, and it’s just working.

For those parents who have no other option like myself, there are a few things to look into when thinking of having your children look after each other.

1.age and maturity-just because child is 13 or so, doesn’t mean they are responsible, look at how they are in everyday life first.

2.safety-do you live in an area that it wouldn’t be too wise to leave them alone in

3.neighbors and or family- is there someone close by just in case of an emergency

4.communication-can they call you, are there multiple phone numbers

5.problems-do they know all emergency numbers, are they posted clearly, and do they understand what to do

It’s these things you need to think about long and hard, before you make your decision, I know I had to. It was hard to chose this path, but I had no other options, and I did look. I have no family support, the neighbors have enough of their own kids, no daycares in my town, and the ones in the town I work in aren’t open the hours I need. Not only do I refuse, but I cannot afford to pay over $300 a month in sitter fees either. So for me, this was what we as a family must do, at least until I win that lottery.