Dec 09 2008
Parental Guilt Factor
As parents, you have felt it yourself: the parental guilt factor. For example, this morning, I was so overly exhausted, I literally laid back down, and just fell right back asleep. I remember the kids muttering at me at one point about bye mom, love you. Other than that, I don’t recall anything until I woke back up an hour later. My guilt factor hits that I didn’t kiss them goodbye, I didn’t check to make sure they were bundled(even though I know the older two check also). My only excuse is that after dealing with two kids, plus myself with the flu over the weekend, the sleep monster finally hit me at 3 am, and it didn’t want to let me go.
Now, we as parents feel guilty for any amount of things we do to our children. A raised voice, a missed sports game, working moms feel it. It’s all on how we deal with it that really matters. The parental guilt factor can be an important part of our lives. It can sometimes move us to allow our children to get the better of us.
Example: I felt so guilty after my divorce and subsequent loss of our home, that when I finally got a home again, I let the kids run wild. It took me almost three months, and one truth talk with my boyfriend before I realized what I was doing. It took another three months to get the kids back on a schedule and back in the behavior I expected.
Some parents take that parental guilt factor to the extreme and never let go. I know a mother who smoked while she was pregnant. Not every day, but perhaps once a week. She had been a full smoker before pregnancy. But when her son was born, he was premature, tiny, and struggling. Luckily, he pulled through perfectly fine and is now a wild, undisciplined, ill mannered 8 year old. When you ask my friend why she lets him get away with it, she reminds you of how she almost killed him at birth with her unhealthy habits. I like to remind her of how I might kill him if he kicks my child one more time.
It’s okay to feel guilty about something you have done or said as a parent. Honest. It’s all part of parenthood. After, its up to you to realize it, change your ways, and move on. Dwelling on it, or letting it control your lives does nothing but create a child who knows they can run right over their parent. It then becomes, well if I can run over them, why not others too.
So feel that guilt with me. Breathe it in. Figure out your next move, and lets have a happier day together. Simply because I slept in this morning, does not mean my kids get to stay up past bedtime tonight, or get to skip homework either.
