Jan 09 2009
Let them do it
I have a whole new pet peeve to share. Well, I suppose it isn’t new, I have felt this way since my children first started school. I cannot stand parents who do their child’s homework/projects for them. There is nothing worse than watching your own child work for hours days on end on his own project, then bringing it in to the school and looking at the other projects, just knowing a parent did that.
My middle son is in the honors 4th grade program at our elementary school. So at any given time, he has multiple large projects in work. He just got done with a clay Indian village that he built himself. It’s not perfect, the clay isn’t cut and molded to perfection, but its quite impressive. He takes it into school and comes home to tell me all about the fabric village another kid had built. Simply from the description, you know a mother worked that project.
It bothers me that so many parents feel the pressing need to make their child seem smarter, more artistic, and more creative than they really are. I’ve seen blogs and postings from mothers who swear they will do what they can to make their child get that grade A, even if it means the mother stays up hours sewing a fabric pattern for them.
I will NOT do my child’s project, ever. I will buy the supplies necessary, I will help with research, showing them how to look. I will even let them know different ways of doing something by showing them. But it is all on them to complete it. That’s why they were given the project in the first place, to learn by doing. Not by having mom do it for them just so its perfect.
That’s just as bad as parents who do their child’s homework for them. Stop it already, you are helping no one by this. Why parent’s feel the need to have the perfect grades for their children is beyond me. Yes, they need that grade point average to get into a good college or job. But does it really count as an A if you did it for them? To me, that really equals nothing but cheating. You have now taught your child to cheat by doing his project for him. Nice parenting technique there.
Maybe it’s just me, maybe I am too hard on my children. I don’t feel that way though. I help them with what I can, I make them think about the answers, how to hunt for them. But I graduated school a long time ago, my shining days are over. It’s all about them now, or at least it should be.
So parents, let your child be a child. Let them get that F if they don’t finish a project, but also let them earn that B for at least an honest attempt. Let them learn there are not only consequences, but rewards for jobs. Otherwise, I’m sure I’ll be seeing your child at the local McDonald’s twenty years down the road, still trying to figure out how to spell “project”.
It’s not you & you’re not too hard on your kids. You’re teaching independence and valuable life skills.
Thank you for that guys! It really does make you think though, I wonder if these are the same kind of parents who push their child into a sport simply because they did it too.
Well here’s a another thought to this. What if kids whose parents either did the project for them, or helped a bit much, lose points for it? When teachers hand out all those rules and such at the beginning of the year, this could be part of it. You help, they lose. Just a thought
I think these parents do their kids a great disservice. Instead of fostering independence and confidence, it breeds a certain measure of laziness and insecurity. But as far as deducting points for parental help, who decides how much assistance is too much? Surely there are some truly talented, meticulous kids out there, right?
@mrsbear
True, as I said, my son is so artistic sometimes its downright scary. So I know there are other kids that are wonderful creators. But a teacher can tell from class work, and other projects whether or not a child is consistent or if it seems at times there is a bit too much perfection.
Learning is an enjoyable experience for children. It is part of their childhood but, every child is different and learns at different rates. Some children like different things and excell at different areas of learning.
Great post on one of my big pet peeves. I’ve even learned to stop nagging my kids to do their homework and finish their projects. Too bad I learned it when my last two are almost through high school! It took a really insightful counselor to point out to me that by nagging until the homework or project was done, I was making it MY responsibility - and making our family life miserable.
Letting my son flunk a class through sheer laziness (a class, mind you, that he flunked PURELY because he didn’t hand in any homework, even though he had quiz/test scores in the 90s) was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done as a parent - but the result - he had to face the failure and learn some accountability for his own actions. He still blows off homework sometimes, but nowhere near as often - and he and I spend far far less time at odds since I let him take responsibility for his own homework.