Feb 05 2009
I saw me today….and I didn’t like her one bit
For those of you who are parents like myself, you have to sometimes ask yourself “where would I be in life if I hadn’t had children?” Well I think I met my other self today. She was quite pretty, no wrinkles yet, no visible stretch marks or baby pouch. She was wearing designer clothes, and chatting on her cell phone a mile a minute. She came into my store today with her nurse sister, and I got to hear about an hours worth of conversation.
She talked about her recent vacation, her job as a defense attorney, her latest boyfriend, and how her maid was late this morning. Her complaints were about the lack of a good hair dresser away from New York City, and her brand new car needed an oil change already. She was loud, obnoxious, and yet seemed perfectly happy that way. I am ashamed to say I had a moment where I thought “that woman stole my life!”
Until she had to hold her sisters 3 month old baby that is. This other me looked at that sweet child with such longing in her eyes. She started cooing at the baby, and laying kisses on her tiny cheeks. As I helped the younger sister try on nursing scrubs for her new job, we both glanced over at the picture those two made, then glanced back at each other and grinned. We know what it’s like to hold those tiny bodies in our arms daily. The other me joined us, and we all carried on conversations about our children, and her lack of.
Turns out she cannot have children, from an accident as a teen. So instead she decided to embrace the single life as she has, and spoil the kids her sisters have. No matter where she is in the world, she never misses a birthday, or holiday. She sends outrageous gifts, and silly cards. She also loves her nieces and nephews with all of her heart.
I felt like a heel almost as she held that baby. I have been a mother for so long, I think I’ve come to take it for granted. I don’t remember what life is like without children. But listening to my other self today, I’m glad I don’t. Now I know where I would be without children. I’d be a semi rich, young looking, successful attorney, just as I had planned. I would also be a very lonely woman.
Everything we go through in life helps shape us, and even through the good and the bad, I’m glad I had it all. Now excuse me while I go hug and kiss my children, and thank them for being mine.
Ha! I’ve been there. Now I don’t feel so guilty about those fleeting moments when you think about what life COULD have been like.
Doesn’t matter. I don’t need to watch a bad Jennifer Gardner movie to know that my life rocks. Sure, I don’t get to jet off at a moments notice, or have to race home after work instead of joining others for happy hour. I’ve done happy hour. I just walk away with a headache. Being home with my family and my adorable son warms my body and soul.
But I think this woman has also made her choice, it works best for her, and that’s great! A part of me will always envy her, but that works both ways.
Great post!
http://foreverfamily.today.com
Thank you for the compliment.. It really was an eye opener!!
thank you so much for this.. i think i really needed it. i have a sister who is 6 years younger, still single and childless and boy do i sometimes miss that life. i’m pretty sure she also wishes she had my life with a husband and child. grass always greener kind of thing i guess.. well thank you for pushing me off the fence and showing me how good my yard looks to those on the other side.
Thanks to all of you guys. I am so glad I’m not the only one who was having “single envy time”. But after meeting that other me, I don’t think I’ll be playing the what if game anytime soon.