Apr 03 2009
Parents lose control, children win
Even in my sleep deprived state, with all the moving and packing and unpacking, my children still know who’s the parent in this household. I have never let my children tell me what to do. I ask for their input, their opinions, but in the end we all know who makes the final decision.
The whole reason for the this little rant of mine was the two separate incidents I witnessed at work two days ago. The first occurred early in the morning and to me was an extreme break of the parent-child rules. A young mother came into my uniform store with her little girl about four years old I’d say. The young child immediately started running around the store, tearing items off my display cases, ripping clothes off their hangers. The mother proceeded to chase her around the store. Each time she caught up to her, they had the same conversation.
Mother - “Get back here, we don’t do that”.
Child - “You let go of my coat”.
Mother - “Please stay with me”.
Child - “You don’t touch me”.
The mothers tone was pleading, almost begging the child to listen to her. The daughter spoke in the most stern voice I have ever heard come from such a tiny body. It was if their roles in life were reversed. This little girl was boss, and she knew it. Eventually after 20 minutes of this, and a wreck in my store, they left. There was no apologies involved, the mother never bought what she needed, and she never made the little girl clean up her own mess. If that had been one of my own children, there would have been hell to pay. I remember when my youngest ran from me in a store once, ONCE. I caught up to him, swatted his behind once, looked him right in the eye and told him he was to stay with me, end of story. We all have children misbehave, it happens. However, its all in how you deal with the situation.
The next incident might not seem as bad, but it was more disturbing in my eyes than the first. An older woman came in with her teenage son, looking for new uniforms for herself. These two acted more like boyfriend and girlfriend than mother and son. She not only asked for his opinions, but only tried on what he picked out. He kept reminding her of things she had to get done that day. From shopping items, to things she had to clean at home. Her only responses to him were “Oh that’s right”.
Now who knows, maybe she’s new to taking care of herself, maybe she was having a breakdown. I don’t know. I do know that again, the child was the parent, and the parent the child. Or something else in this case. Being a single mother myself, I’ve gone shopping with my children. I’ve even shown them my outfits, and had them help me pick out some things. But I have never had them take care of my every day decisions, that is not their role in life. I do feel bad for that family. I hope whatever her situation was or is, that its not as evil as my mind was taking it to, and that she gets her act together soon so her son can be the teen he’s supposed to be.
I do agree with you. Children find comfort in knowing an adult is in firm control of their life. You offer a protected environment for them to thrive in.
I swatted mine too. At one time I could control them with THE LOOK. The look meant, stop it immediately or we’ll discuss it outside. They definitely didn’t want to discuss it outside.
Good lluck with your shop. Perhaps you should provide lollipops for the dear children, but only if they behave while they’re in your store. Give the lolly as they go out the door.
Maxie
I would supply lollipops, but only as they are leaving.. Too many white uniforms and too many parents who don’t watch their child’s sticky hands.
People can be so crazy. I agree. The parentified teenager is more disturbing.
I agree with recoveryrocks, the parentified teenager is more disturbing. Every parent has a bad day in which their children are out of control (they seem to sense when Mommy just doesn’t have it in her), and they just don’t have the energy to solve the problem. But that teenager being in charge, that takes long term training. Makes me sad.