Mother For Life

This weekend is the kids weekend with the ex. Funny how it always seems to fall on a holiday, isn’t it. So once again, I will be spending a holiday alone. You would think I would be used to it after over a year of this whole “visitation” crap he gets, but I’m not. So forgive me if I am sounding a bit bitter. However, on a good note about the kids being with him this weekend, it gives me a chance to get some money together so we can celebrate Easter NEXT weekend together.

When I say I need to get the money together, I’m not talking about spending $60 on Easter baskets, or $50 on Easter clothes just so they can go to a church and look fancy. Oh, and those amounts are per child mind you. No, I’m talking about getting money together so I can cook a full holiday dinner. The rest will be just extras. Yes, I will get the kids Easter baskets, but just little ones. I’ve never been the type to go overboard when it comes to spending money on things like that. It’s useless and reeks of being hypocritical.

For me the sadness this weekend comes not from being broke, but being alone. Where have all the family times gone? Why is it that there are no more phone calls at the bum crack of dawn to wish someone a good holiday? Surfing through my blogs I follow, I found quite a few talking about the money, the church, the presents. But not too many were talking about the family get together.

It seems to me that with times as tough as they are, people should spend more time getting back into the whole family thing. I miss that so much. I miss spending hours cooking in the kitchen while the men are watching t.v. or building something. I miss hearing the stories of the older generations, of times back when.

So as you get yourself dressed in your fancy clothes tomorrow, as you pass out your expensive presents and baskets, as you sit with strangers in church you only go to on major holidays, perhaps you might pick up the phone and call a relative to wish them a good day as well. After all, family is what its all supposed to be about.

As for me, I will be sitting here thinking of my children and writing my little heart out.

***UPDATE***

After preparing myself for the alone holiday, after not having anything in the house for Easter dinner, the ex had the nerve to call and try and get out of his weekend with the kids. Claims he’s sick… Ha!!  nice try bucko..  No way am I disappointing these kids after all the fighting I had to go through to get them to spend Easter with him.. Still sending them, hopefully things go well..

Now that life is finally settling back down in our new place, I decided it was time to make some homemade meals again, boy did I miss that. Normally I don’t share recipes or write about them. But this one is so kid friendly, and equals clean plates that I just have to. My kids simply love my spaghetti sauce, plus I make enough to freeze a bit for another day.

Mom’s Spaghetti Sauce

2 small cans tomato paste (add another can for thicker sauce if you prefer)

2 large cans tomato sauce

3 cans tomato soup

2 medium cans stewed tomatoes

2 cups of water

1/4 c of brown sugar

2 lbs ground beef (or ground whatever you prefer)

2 t chili powder

garlic powder,salt, pepper

Brown meat and place in bottom of crock pot. I use the 5 quart pot. Open all cans and add to meat. Add in your water and seasonings. Feel free to add in your own personal favorites, I like to keep it simple for the kids.  Stir together well. Add in the brown sugar last. Cover and simmer on low for 5 hours. Makes enough for two pounds of noodles, in my family that’s two dinners.

I use the brown sugar as an acid reducer since I am so sensitive when it comes to tomato based sauces.  You can also do this in a large pan on your stove, simply simmer on low for 2 hours. Make sure to cool down the extra before freezing.  There you have it, a simply kid friendly sauce that will have them asking for seconds.

Even in my sleep deprived state, with all the moving and packing and unpacking, my children still know who’s the parent in this household. I have never let my children tell me what to do.  I ask for their input, their opinions, but in the end we all know who makes the final decision.

The whole reason for the this little rant of mine was the two separate incidents I witnessed at work two days ago. The first occurred early in the morning and to me was an extreme break of the parent-child rules. A young mother came into my uniform store with her  little girl about four years old I’d say. The young child immediately started running around the store, tearing items off my display cases, ripping clothes off their hangers. The mother proceeded to chase her around the store. Each time she caught up to her, they had the same conversation.

Mother - “Get back here, we don’t do that”.

Child - “You let go of my coat”.

Mother - “Please stay with me”.

Child - “You don’t touch me”.

The mothers tone was pleading, almost begging the child to listen to her. The daughter spoke in the most stern voice I have ever heard come from such a tiny body. It was if their roles in life were reversed. This little girl was boss, and she knew it. Eventually after 20 minutes of this, and a wreck in my store, they left. There was no apologies involved, the mother never bought what she needed, and she never made the little girl clean up her own mess. If that had been one of my own children, there would have been hell to pay. I remember when my youngest ran from me in a store once, ONCE. I caught up to him, swatted his behind once, looked him right in the eye and told him he was to stay with me, end of story. We all have children misbehave, it happens. However, its all in how you deal with the situation.

The next incident might not seem as bad, but it was more disturbing in my eyes than the first. An older woman came in with her teenage son, looking for new uniforms for herself. These two acted more like boyfriend and girlfriend than mother and son. She not only asked for his opinions, but only tried on what he picked out. He kept reminding her of things she had to get done that day. From shopping items, to things she had to clean at home.  Her only responses to him were “Oh that’s right”.

Now who knows, maybe she’s new to taking care of herself, maybe she was having a breakdown. I don’t know. I do know that again, the child was the parent, and the parent the child. Or something else in this case. Being a single mother myself, I’ve gone shopping with my children. I’ve even shown them my outfits, and had them help me pick out some things. But I have never had them take care of my every day decisions, that is not their role in life. I do feel bad for that family. I hope whatever her situation was or is, that its not as evil as my mind was taking it to, and that she gets her act together soon so her son can be the teen he’s supposed to be.

As we were sorting through things to take with us in the move, the hardest part was going through the books. My kids had more than I did, an amazing feat actually. We decided to pick our favorites and share them with you. These books have stayed with my kids from the time the oldest was old enough to read.

1.  IF YOU GIVE A MOUSE A COOKIE ~ Laura Joffe Numeroff

My kids love the funny mouse and all his wants, the pictures do great for the younger kids as well.

2. WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE ~ Maurice Sendak

Short and sweet, with only ten sentences, the pictures are absolutely amazing.

3. ANY AND ALL DR. SEUSS BOOKS ~ Theodor Seuss Geisel

These books are great for their rhyming and pictures. Easy for little ones to learn to read with.

4. THE BOOKSTORE GHOST~ Barbara Maitland

My six year old son picked this book out and read it to me a month ago, its fast become a favorite here.

5. THE VERY HUNGRY CATERPILLAR ~ Eric Carle

An oldie, but goodie. This picture book is perfect for younger children to explore. We still have our ten year old copy.

6. GOODNIGHT MOON ~  Margaret Wise Brown

The ultimate bedtime story, I used this one to put all of my kids to bed when they were younger.

My kids had many more favorites they wanted to add to this list, but I had to put a limit somewhere.  We love to read in this house hold, and now that my youngest son is reading to us as well, it has become quite fun. I started reading to these guys at such an early age, and I’m just grateful that they all love to read now as well. Don’t get me wrong, we did go through phases where my daughter had no interest in reading, it became a chore for her. But I left her alone about it, and now she reads almost as much as I do.

Happy reading to you all, and feel free to add your own favorites in.

My middle son D is having trouble remembering his homework again. This time its in math, as he has forgotten it three times this month. Each time I have to sign his workbook. The other day, I told him to not only grab the sheet he forgot, but ask his teacher for extra work to make up for it. This is the response she wrote back in his book to me:

“No math again today. He asked for extra work due to his grade dropping. I will not give him extra work when he isn’t finishing this expected work”.

Now, to a point I can understand his teacher. You don’t reward a child for bad behavior. However, he wasn’t asking for bonus work, or extra credit. He wanted more work to bring back up his grade. I remember back when I was in school. When you forgot your homework, not only did you have to do it during recess, but you were given more! Maybe its just me. I’m not excusing him for not bringing home his math work, not one bit. But if a child is willing to work harder, why not give him that chance?

The one thing I really wish is that the school would get together an honest to goodness honors program. When we moved here last year, they didn’t have one. During the summer they realized how many kids his age should be in a more rigorous program and they threw together a split class. I give them credit for recognizing the need, but not for the half backwards way they went about it. The first half of the year, they worked these kids like crazy, as should be. So far this year, nothing. No projects, no essays, not a thing they wouldn’t do in a normal class.

The whole point to an honors program (which he was in for two years before we moved here), is that the kids need extra. They need harder work, more challenging subjects. Otherwise you end up with bored kids who start to disrupt the class. For now we will work harder on what he does have, and I will continue to let him do the extra worksheets his sister brings home from middle school for him.

Dear Mr Black Cloud,

I’d like you to go away now, you’ve caused enough damage. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, well I’m tough enough already please. Don’t you think its time you moved on to someone else? You’ve been following me for eight years now, aren’t I boring enough for you yet? Haven’t you done almost everything you possibly could to me? Let’s have a mini re-cap shall we:

1. Stuck me in a marriage with an abusing shallow excuse for a man.
2. When I was brave enough to leave that, you took my home away from me and my kids.
3. When I caught a break and found a friend to stay with, you made sure he attached strings I wasn’t prepared to pay for.
4.When I found a new home, you left me alone for a few months, long enough to find my love, and get a sense of confidence back.
5.Then it was time to hit again, you made sure that after I finally got my license back,  you broke my brakes.
6. When I fixed the front ones, you broke my brake-line.
7. When I fixed that, you gave me a car accident.
8. After I paid for that, you shut my water off and got my building condemned.
9.When I finally got a break and found another home, you made sure that I couldn’t keep my water source on for the little time I needed it.

There’s plenty more Mr. Black Cloud, but those are just the biggies. Please stop now and quit raining on my parade. I’m one of the good guys. I don’t lie, cheat, or steal my way through life. I work hard, and love harder. Any bad deeds I must have done in a past life have surely been paid for by now. I’m trying to look at your silver lining, but you are making it very difficult to do that. I have the addresses of a few nasty people that you would find much more to your style than me. Please move on now.

Sincerely,

The woman who’s fighting her way through your darkness, but could use a little help here

Well I’m back. Haven’t really been on, no real reason other than I didn’t want to. If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. Or in this case, if you only have babble to write, write nothing at all. I wish more bloggers paid attention to that bit of advice.

My oldest child turned twelve years old yesterday, edging me further into middle age again. I thought I would share some tidbits with you about her, nothing too personal, and of course no picture of her. (So take that Mr. Pedophile).

My daughter is the miniature image of me, along with quite a bit of the attitude. She loves to be the boss, and I often remind her that I am the mother and not her. She’s been my little helper since she was a toddler and I had her younger brother. I remember on her second birthday when he was only 5 months old, I managed to catch her feeding him a bottle. When I asked her what she was doing, she replied “He was hungy mom, and you’re slow”. She also cut his hair when he was two and she was four, surprisingly he sat still for her, something he had yet to do for me.

She is my “girly girl”, loving pinks and purples as much as I cannot stand them. She hates wearing pants, and prefers her dresses and skirts (even in -10 degree weather). She is as bad in math as I always was, and yet has finally come to love reading as I do.

My daughter is the one thing that had me go from being a responsible young adult, to a very mature one.  She helped teach me a bit of patience at a time when I had none, something she still does to this day. She’s more of a follower than I ever was, and we continue to work on that one daily.

We had a great day yesterday as we all went out for our traditional birthday dinner. The birthday person gets to pick where we eat, and no one gets to argue. We ended up going to Bob Evans, had a lovely dinner and a lot of laughs. It’s funny, no matter where we end up we always have quite a bit of laughter. Went around to some stores simply window shopping and we came home and looked at old photographs.  As we were driving home, my daughter actually thanked me for a great birthday. I looked at her, told her she was welcome, and then told her that her maturity was showing.

Unfortunately said child is now home with a stomach bug, and of course today I bring home the ice cream cake. Hopefully she feels better by then.  As much as I cannot stand scrap-booking, this blog will work perfectly for her to see just how much I do understand her, and love her more and more everyday. No matter how many times I yell, or she rolls her eyes and stomps her feet at me, she will always be my baby girl.

Happy birthday my child, I love you so very much.

I need a little input  from all the dads out there. So for all you moms who read my blog here, I have a scenario for you to share with the dad in your life. Whether its first time dads, or fathers of teens. Read the following problem to them, and ask them what they would do. Then leave me a comment here if you could, and I will add all the info together in another blog in a day or two. Don’t worry, there really is reason to my madness.

You have the kids for the weekend, just you. Your 11 1/2 year old daughter has a terrible migraine, again. You give her one junior strength Tylenol, but it doesn’t seem to be working. You don’t want to call your ex wife(aka me), or current wife and let her know you don’t know what to do. You have the following options:

A. Give her another junior strength Tylenol

B. Give her an adult Aleve

C. Call ex or current wife and ask her what to do

D. Call your mother and ask her advice

There you have it ladies and gents, the problem at hand. I will be sending this question out over many sites so I can get as many answers from dads as I can. Thanks in advance, and I think this will be a new part of my blog. A poll combined with the correct answers and advice would be a nice thing. Don’t worry, I won’t stick just with dads, this will be an everyone poll at times.

I was reading through random blogs late last night, when I stumbled upon one that bothered me. I won’t name it, and I want to state right now that I am not judging said blogger, simply tossing in my two cents worth. It was a blog from a mother where she wrote about her child’s pictures being copied by some random guy, and posted on a site with words written over the pictures. She talked about how upset her daughter was, and how much work she had to go through to get the site host to take them down. This mother then went on a rant about how wrong the guy was, how much her daughter suffered, and how disturbed she was.

Yes, the man in question was wrong. But what’s worse, the random stranger who steals little kids pics and puts them up on disturbing sites, or the irresponsible parents who post the pictures in the first place? I’ve said it before, you will find one public picture of my children on the Internet, and that is a far away blurry shot of half their bodies. Otherwise, my children’s pictures are private, meant for friends and family only. I drop on blogs constantly now where parents are writing about their child’s everyday routines, along with pictures. They post bathing suit pictures, tub pictures, pictures of their children in bed.

In my mind, its one thing if you want to post a picture or two of your child. It may not be my cup of tea, but to each his own. But when you start posting pictures that are showing less than full clothing (bath tub shots, bathing suit shots, etc..), is where I start having major issues. Many of these same offenders have their towns and states they live in posted right on their blog pages. Thanks for letting every pedophile out there know exactly how to find your child, way to make it a bit easier on them.

As if we as parents didn’t already have enough issues raising children in this day and age of technology, now many parents are tossing their innocent pictures right out there for the sickos of the world. We all know there are bad people out there, we tell our children every day not to talk to strangers. We watch our children on the Internet to make sure they aren’t handing out their information. We give them rules to follow in case of attempted attacks. Yet parents seem to think its okay to post cutsie naked baby bath tub pictures. 

Sure, most normal people see those pictures and go “Awww, how cute”. Then again, how willing are you to forget about the non normal people? The perverts who stalk the Internet for those cute seemingly innocent naked baby shots, and turn them into something disgusting for their own use? Stop being naive about it already. It’s one thing to talk about your children, I do it all the time. Giving advice, or simply talk about their day. But I will keep our special pictures to ourselves. I like my children right where they are, with me safe and sound.

I don’t want you to walk away from this blog thinking “What a condescending witch”.  I do want you to think more carefully about what you decide to share with millions of people online. It’s not only the pictures you post in blogs. Did you ever notice that unless you make your photobucket private, someone who clicks on one of your picture links can turn around and look at all of your pictures in photobucket? Or your Myspace, Yearbook, or even Flickr? All of these sites have the same issue, unless you make your pictures private, or your page private, everyone can see your children splashing away in the tub. Of course, it doesn’t help if you have 5,000 friends, and let them all see anyways. Just a few things for you to think on the next time you want to post pictures of little Susie in her new bikini.

I had the cutest thing happen to me tonight, and I wanted to share it with you. My youngest son, came into my room tonight, and asked if the man was around. I told him no, and asked why. He told me he had a book he wanted to read to us, that was all. I looked at him, and I thought to myself “where does the time go“? So I told him I would love to hear his story and he climbed up on my bed, settled in, and we read books together. Listening to him read out loud, stopping every now and then to ask me if that was the correct word was an awesome experience. I had forgotten how much fun it was to have my children read to me. Looks like all those years of reading to them has paid off.

I am an avid reader, one who goes through phases. There are times that for weeks I will speed read on an average of ten to twelve books every four days. It was always a problem for me in school, when teachers wouldn’t believe me that I had finished reading books so fast. Looks like I have passed my love of books and my speed reading on to my children, and I couldn’t be happier. It about broke my heart when my daughter told me about two years ago at 9 that she couldn’t stand reading. I tried everything to get her back into it, and nothing worked. It became a fight to get her to read for her school work even. Then a few months ago, she started back into reading again. She loves it again, and with no push from me. I do ask her questions about her books, simply to refresh her mind on what she just read, helping her to keep the information better.

My middle son is my main speed reader, he’s getting almost as fast as me. His problem is that even though he is in the honors classes, they still don’t believe him when he tells them he is done reading. Good thing is, he has one teacher who knows me well, as she taught me in the 6th grade and dealt with my speed reading. He still has a problem comprehending some of what he reads when he goes too fast, so we are working on slowing him down some. I blame part of that on a testing they did in the schools awhile back. Every day for two months his class had to read a paragraph as fast as they could, and then answer five questions about it. It became a competition, with little understanding of what they had read.

Now it looks as if my youngest not only loves being read to, but is turning to reading himself as well. I couldn’t be happier about it. So much for his teachers latest comments about him not reading well. This boy was reading words like sedimentary, stalagmite, and stalactite tonight. The only problem I see him having is his excessive drool factor still. He literally has to stop talking, swallow, and then begin again. I’m going to have to ask the doctor about this next visit, as it really does bother my son, and makes it hard to understand him sometimes.

It was a joy to listen to him read, to make the voices, and to share with me the pictures as well. We have decided that as long as it’s not a night I work later, we will do this every night. I have enough books to be able to do this, and theres also a library less than ten minutes away. It was cute, at one point I peeked up into my doorway and saw both my older two standing there listening as well, both with smiles on their faces. I wonder if they were remembering the first time each of them read out loud to me.